Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
