Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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