You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
