Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
