The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
