He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
