I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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