Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Vodka?
Forever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
