and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You made out with two different species that night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
