Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
