So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
