I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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