Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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