I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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