i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He passed out mid-signature
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
