you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I forgot how hot balto sounded
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
