That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
