i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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