New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
