I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
