Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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