why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
