i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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