maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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