just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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