I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
