i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just high enough for therapy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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