guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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