We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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