I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
