I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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