If i come over, it means nothing
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
