these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please come you make the beer taste better
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
