Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
