Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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