His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
