Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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