woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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