so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
