I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
