you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
