The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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