Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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