I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
