cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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