I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
