VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
