the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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