I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
