Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
