i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
