if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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