apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
