He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
