Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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