yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
