Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize