Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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