Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
