In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
