she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
