Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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