i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
