Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
