She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
