he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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