my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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