Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
