Porn is love you can see.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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