It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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