When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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