I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
